Today is a new day. You know I never really thought about that in depth before. I mean I get up each morning and go through the same routines and try to make it. But I don't realize that today can be different than yesterday. Yesterday is nothing now, today is everything. I can't change what I did or didn't do yesterday but today is a different story. Today is new, open, untainted. Mine to do with what I will. I can choose to mar it with yesterday's failures or I can persue something brand new. Something without the guilt and the pain. 

I have my first counseling appointment today. I'm nervous. Scarred. Not sure what to expect. What am I supposed to say, do? But I have faith that I'll get through it. God will carry me through.

So work has decided that they want my life to revolve around them. Well news flash!!!!! I won't let it get that way again. My manger called me this morning and said that they need me to work nights like I did before I went on leave. I told her in plain words that my husband  and I only have one car and it's impossible for me to work nights while he works days! I don't have a way to get to work when he's already left the house!! Urg!!! I swear everyone wants dedicated solid employees but doesn't give a rap about their lives. If you can't get to work too bad, get here or don't bother to come in at all. It sucks. I was just getting used to the idea of going back to work and then this happens. I have not had a good day since I got that call. It made me panic...what am I supposed to do now?!?
                                                      
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Does anyone know what I'm feeling?? Do you know what it feels like to wake up every morning and wonder if you'll make it through the day? Does the possibility that you won't ever cross your mind?? Every time you breathe in does it hurt?? Not physically but somewhere deep inside, does it hurt? Do you realize that most people don't care? No one takes the time to care, no one cares unless if effects them. I don't think we take enough time to realize that we aren't the only ones hurting. It sound hypocritcal especially because I've just been complaining. But really......think about it. Do you care about someone you don't know? I do. I know that there are millions of people out there who are just like me right now. I care because I'm one of those many that get overlooked. I have masked my pain for so long that no one cares to look under the surface anymore. "I'm ok, I've always been ok" or "I'm fine, don't worry" that's what I've always said...they just keep believing me. Even with that slight glimmer of pain in my eyes.